The Sibling Differential
by LongLoreLover
Summary: Sheldon learns of Amy cheating on him with his brother, Leonard is in the hospital, Penny has been brought back from Nebraska against her will buy her sister, Bernadette has been quarantined, and Howard and Raj are stuck in the middle. Take you hilarious pick...
1. Chapter 1

I am so tired these days I don't know how anyone can possibly not see it. But, I will continue my quest to bring stories to you. These Big Bang Theory Episodes intervals will be a little shortened because I am done with my summer assignment, however I will also be writing a Vampire Academy story. Read lavishly, Indulge Diligent-**LongLoreLover(2012)**

Sheldon, Amy, Leo, Howard, and Raj sat on a couch, trying to play a game of five way chess. The way it worked was two teams of two, and Sheldon by himself(he insisted) on different levels. Each level needed to be conquered, and currently, Sheldon was winning. "Fascinating." Sheldon observed as he he watched Raj move a knight. Raj looked at him and asked, "What is it Sheldon?" Sheldon shook his head and continued playing. Raj moved his bishop and Sheldon said, "Oh boy." Raj had enough. "Sheldon what what what!?" Sheldon shook his head and Raj threatened, "Comment on my moves again, and I'll hit you with my Kama Sutra; it's a big book." Howard took the opportunity to say, "Raj, when you have sex, are the women more pleased by you, or what's in the book?"

Raj gave Howard the middle finger while Leo laughed and asked, "Howard, how is Bernadette?"  
Howard gave a thoughtful look. "She's good, but her team was quarantined again."  
"Oh my god what happened?"Amy asked.  
"One of the scientists ignored protocol and brought in cupcakes without proper procedure while they were working with Ebola."  
"But Bernadette isn't authorized to work with Ebola. That's a federal offense Howard..."  
Howard turned to Sheldon. "Who said she was working with Ebola?"  
"You just did."  
"No I didn't."Howard scoffs.  
Sheldon doesn't catch the hint. "Howard I have an eidetic memory that allows me to remember everything from the time I was born. You said Bernadette was working with Ebola."  
"Hey Sheldon, read my lips."  
"Alright."  
"Bernadette. Is. Not. Working. With. Ebola. I didn't. Say. Anything."  
Sheldon looked at Howard and said, "Please repeat that."  
"What?"  
"I didn't catch what you said the first time."  
"I spoke clear as day!"  
"Yes I heard you but you told me to 'read' your lips, and you speak too strangely for me to have caught it on the first go. Also, some days are not clear."  
"Forget I said read my lips."  
Sheldon looked shocked. "You just want me to forget everything today don't you?"  
Howard ignored him and excused himself. "Sorry everyone but I cannot be in the same room with him."  
"If it helps Howard, I've been saying the same thing about you for years now."Sheldon retorted, and Howard left to the bathroom. Raj went to the fridge to get another beer as Amy asked Sheldon, "Where's Penny?"  
"Oh, she moved back to Nebraska."  
"...What!?"  
"How many times am I going to have to repeat myself today?" Sheldon asked no one in particular. Leo watched with amusement as Sheldon stood up and said, "Checkmate Leo." He crossed his arms triumphantly, the smile growing smaller as Leo smiled. "Sorry bro, but I don't lose." Leo brought a bishop from the right corner and took Sheldon's Queen. "Check Sheldon."  
Sheldon's eye twitched and he looked at Leo. "You...you tricked me."  
Leo winked and quoted, "Is it my fault Elliot if the ship was built with a faulty navigation system?"  
"I told you never to repeat that story to anyone..."  
"What story?" Amy asked, and Leo replied, "I'll tell you later babe."  
"Excuse me, but you cannot be calling my girlfriend babe."  
An awkward silence, and then Leo asked Amy, "He wouldn't happen to have you bound in a relationship agreement by any chance?"  
"Yes."  
"Damn."  
"Amy?"Sheldon asked, "What is going on?"  
"Well see Sheldon.."  
A knock interrupted her. Raj strode to it and was about to open it when Leo jumped behind the couch. "Leo what are you doing?"Sheldon hissed.  
"Cool a gasket bro. I'm just hiding so I can scare our guest."  
Raj nodded approvingly and opened the door, to see a most unexpected face...


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi everyone it's LongLoreLover! I had a little Writer's Block trying to come up with some material for such a well viewed story, but I think this will suffice. Special shoutouts to Jislane, an enthusiastic Big Bang Theory lover, bob the kraken, who is a spectacular writer and fills my days with awesomeness, Bahamut Crisis Core for his great reviews on pretty much every story, and to Quidame, who is of course my friend that hasn't yet gotten an account. Love all of you even if I didn't give a shout out to you, and I present to you, the next part of the Sibling Differential. No clue as to when the next part will be up, but I'm hoping by Tuesday the latest =)( Also, I mean no offense for the way I have Penny's sister pronounce words. I was just writing it that way for comedy, and it does not mirror my views of those who live in the south, or in farming communities, as always none of the jokes in here reflect my views.)**

"Howdy y'all!" A woman greeted, and Raj fell to the floor in utter shock. The woman was blonde with hair running smoothly to the length of her belly button in a smooth waterfall. She wore a light, blue shirt that matched her navy blue pants, and sandals. "Oh let me help ya cutie pie!"she said, grabbing Raj and pulling him to his feet. He hissed in pain and then said, "Damn it woman what have you been eating!?"  
"Well I had some beef jerky on the plane ride..."  
"That was rhetorical!" Raj said, and the woman blinked in confusion.  
"What's that?"She asked.  
"What's what?"  
"What's that word you used?"  
"You mean rhetorical?" The woman nodded, and Raj bashfully put his hands in his pockets.  
"Um well see..."  
"Excuse me." Sheldon strode forward. "Forgive this man he has a cheaply earned Masters degree in things that don't apply to Earth. I am Sheldon Cooper, and what Raj here was referring to was the fact that he didn't want you to answer his statement, but in fact just was baffled at how strong you are..."  
The woman squinted. "I'm sorry what?"  
Sheldon looked her over. "You must be either really uneducated, drunk, or related to Penny, who is often both."  
"Hey, do not insult my sister you corn stalk I'll gut you like a fish."The woman threatened, and she made Penny's I'm-warning-you-Sheldon face. Sheldon stood back, and then moved behind Raj, much the same way as he did when he moved behind Leonard in the _Big Bran Hypothesis._ "I'm sorry, where are my manners I'm Sheldon Cooper."  
The woman's face automatically brightened and she extended her hand. Sheldon looked at it, and then started to extend his hand. Only it started fidgeting, the fingers splaying in all ways, twitching, and the hand shaking, all in the space of an inch. Penny's sister looked at Sheldon in alarm, and then pulled her hand back. "It's okay we don't have to shake hands."  
Sheldon let his hand drop, and then breathed in huge gulps, his face red with exertion.  
Penny's sister leaned over to Raj, who looked very nervous to have the beautiful woman near him, and asked, "Wow he really is a germaphobe like she said... What is his problem?"  
Raj shrugged and then looked at Sheldon, who was downing water by the cup, and then checking his blood pressure.  
"I don't know, but doctor's haven't been able to find a cure." The woman chortled with him and then she came inside, while Raj shut the door. Amy came over and put her hand out. The woman shook it enthusiastically. "Hello! You must be Amy."  
Amy smiled and then commanded, "Cut to the business what is this about Penny?"  
"Crap." Sheldon corrected, and Amy looked at him. "What was that Sheldon?"  
"Social convention calls for the word crap, not business."  
"It doesn't matter..."Amy finished, and Sheldon sat in his spot while the Penny's sister sat on the floor.  
"Social convention also calls for a woman to end a relationship with her previous person before moving on to another potential mate." Sheldon criticized, looking directly at Amy. Raj, who sitting next on the couch, got up and offered Penny's sister, "Would look like to sit here?"  
Penny's sister smiled and thanked Raj, getting up to sit. As she sat down, Leo leaped from behind the couch and grabbed her shoulder, all the while making a spooky laugh. Penny's sister screeched and then grabbed Leo's hand, twisting it so he flipped over the couch, and right on Sheldon. "Oh good lord!" Sheldon vociferated, and he stood up, so Leo was pushed onto the floor. He got up smoothly and extended his hand. "Well well. I do believe I'm impressed. I'm Leonard Di Awesomeness. It is indeed an honor to meet you..."  
"Clover." Penny's sister finished shakily, she also shook his arm enthusiastically, and Leo smiled. He went to go get some water, and Howard at this time came out of the bathroom and saw Clover. "Zhe ge nu ren hen fei chang mei. Ta zhe li wei shenme?" Howard said in flawless Chinese. **(As my profile says, I take chinese. What Howard said was: This unmarried woman is very beautiful. Why is she here?)**  
No one knew what he said, except for Sheldon, as he had taken Madirin from the Jewish man a couple years ago. "Zhe ge Penny de jie jie."**(This is Penny's older sister)**  
Howard nodded and then said in English, "I'm sorry, but I'm married."  
"What?" Clover asked with a laugh.  
"Listen baby as hot-Howard said this with obvious yearning for her- as you are, you just have to control yourself. I'm married."  
"But I didn't-"Clover tried to say, but Howard interrupted her.  
"Look, it won't work with us anyway." Clover sighed asked Raj, "What is his problem?  
"He got married..."The man said sadly, and Clover nodded understandingly.  
"I know what you mean. I shot my husband." Leo made a choking noise, and then spit out his water. He wiped his mouth, and Sheldon's eye twitched as he went the kitchen.  
"Get out." he commanded, and Leo left while Sheldon began his tedious process of cleaning.  
"Where is Penny?" Amy firmly repeated, and Clover said, "She's at a hotel. I left a couple days ago for a visit, caught her at the airport. Supposedly, her and Leonard got into some fight, and then she left. But I caught that girl. Nothing outruns Clover, be it family members, grasshoppers, gophers, rabbits, or policemen."  
"Why did a policeman run from you...?" Raj asked curiously, and Clover smiled triumphantly.  
"Well, Penny has probably told you that me and her brother are...not ideal people. I mean I recently stopped smoking."  
"How recent?"Amy asked impatiently.  
"Oh, just before I entered the building."  
"I thought I smelled smoke." Sheldon pitched in, and Leo laughed. "Please, go on Clover."  
"Well one time, my brother got bustud by the feds, and he ran into our house. The door was open, because we always had a cat that came by for milk around that time."  
"Was the cat pregnant?" Leo asked politely, and Clover shook her head.  
"No, but he was fat as hell."  
"Oh, that'd explain why he couldn't get pregnant but Please continue."  
Clover obliged and resumed, "Well that day, our brother came running through, and I said, 'Fed?'  
He nodded, and I fell into the routine that we established for years now. I moved to the front door while he ran out the back, and the officer flung open the door.

'Miss have you seen a drug dealer?'

'Am I supposed to know what a drug dealer look like?'  
'He's about six foot, runs really, Really fast, has light brown eyes."  
'Never seen him.'  
'Fine. If that is the case you wouldn't mind if I look around would you?'  
'I would actually.'  
The police officer would then try to dodge me, and I purposely make it so he brushes my boobs.  
'Oh you pervert!' I'd roar, and the officer would run as fast as he could while I chased him. I'd kick him in the butt, and he get in his police car and leave. We did that for a while until my brother was caught before he could make it to the house."  
Leo chuckled and asked Sheldon, "What do you make of the story bro?"  
"I find it...interesting..."  
"Great now where is Penny?" Amy asked again, and Clover smiled. "She's at a hotel, and didn't want to be disturbed. I just came here because I was bored, and a shady man down in the lobby looked like a sexual predator."  
"Oh yes Pasadena has a lot of those." Raj agreed, and Howard said, "You want something entertaining, try getting into an argument with this thing." He pointed at Sheldon, who looked at him. "I can hear you, in case your brain did not register that fact." Sheldon retorted. Clover laughed and said, "I like challenges. What should we argue about?"  
Sheldon walked over and loomed over her, eyes bent down. "You want to debate with me, girl?"  
Clover looked at him and said, "No. Because I doubt you know the first thing about anything."  
Howard, Raj, Amy, and Leo gasped and looked to Sheldon, eager to hear his reply. He laughed quietly and then said, "Have you corn-pickers ever heard about machines?"  
"Seeing as I can fix a machine with my hands and a sandwich, hell yes."  
"Why would you need a sandwich?"  
"To eat of course! I'm certainly not going to drink the oil of the tractor."  
"Oh...I thought everything looked like water to you hill folk." Clover smiled at the insult, kicking this physicist's ass at his own game would be fun. "What's the issue?" she growled leaning closer, and Sheldon backed up a bit, uncomfortable at her close proximity, and his likelihood at getting a water-droplet borne disease.  
"The issue...," He paused, drawing out the suspense. "Is whether AI will rule the earth by the end of the 21st century."  
Clover cracked her knuckles. "I say no."  
Sheldon smiled, he got what he wanted. "Lady and gentleman, we have a debate..."


	3. Chapter 3

**-Hope you enjoy, and please know that I do not own the Big Bang Theory, as no one on this site really owns anything but their plots. Happy Reading!-LLL**

Clover sat on the couch, staring at Sheldon as the scientist(physicist good lord I am nothing like a scientist, what an insult) stared at her, eyes transfixed. "Well Mr. Cooper, what is your answer? she taunted, looming closer, and causing Sheldon to move back. His eyes were wide as saucers, and his head was straddling his chin, all while his mouth was open in horror.  
"I...um..don't know." was his very slow reply. Clover pounced on it.  
"So you can't find any viable reason as to why cyborgs should be introduced instead of independent AIs?" Sheldon's face twitched, and Clover's smile got wider.  
Leo was holding the minute timer, his breath able to be felt on Sheldon's neck.  
"29 seconds bro."he whispered ominously, and Sheldon shivered. Sheldon's mind whirred, but he soon could find no argument against her claim. Except..."  
"If humans were all cyborgs, then they could be killed with a worldwide EMP."  
"And from where do you get that fact?" Clover challenged.  
"In Dark Angel, starring Jessica Alba, the world was hit by an EMP via terrorists."Sheldon triumphantly announced.  
"Well...what if everyone had EMP-proof electronics?"  
"And how cheap do you think that'd be cornhusker? Worth a pound of corn?"  
"It's measured in bushels you sarcastic ass."Clover growled. Sheldon merely shrugged, he was on the offensive.  
"Still in a world where everything is costing more, and the United States is full of debt, no one has the money for anything."  
"Yet you have like 10,000 dollars in a superhero's body or something, we can build warships, and...still spend money gambling on the Super Bowl!? We can afford EMP armor if we ever needed it."  
Sheldon bowed his head respectfully, but then asked the question. "If America is so rich, then why hasn't it happened already? Why are we still headed towards AI?"  
"Well it's because humans are lazy."  
"And do you really think some cool robotic gizmos will change anything?"  
"Well if you can allow them to fly and fire lasers..."  
"If that's the case, then instead of AI ruling the world, civil war will. Because you think people who can fire lasers are going to use that to help lost kittens no they will not. They will use that power to make groups, and then who knows, they may be worse than the AI because while the AI may enslave us, they'll kill us all."  
"Sheldon, do you really think being a robot's bitch is better than death?"Clover said emotionally, and Sheldon had to stop and think about that.  
"Well...no. But the machines would not kill me."  
"Defend."  
"Well they need someone to repair them."  
"If that's the case, then Howard would be a more viable subject then you." Clover voiced. Howard took something out of his pocket, and then clicked a button.  
"Oh don't mind him, he's only an Engineer." Sheldon's voice played back.  
"Now I know you only have a Master's Degree..."  
"Do you really think you should be wasting your efforts on magic tricks. I mean I know you're only an Engineer..."  
"Hey Sheldon," Howard began. "My Master's takes your PHD to town suck it..."he did a little dance while everyone looked at him, and Leo said, "Hard to when there's nothing there to suck."  
Everyone covered their mouths, and looked at Howard, who was staring down at Leo. "Oh no you didn't.."  
"Uh, yes I did."  
"You wanna go?"  
"No, I'm afraid I may hurt you."  
"You couldn't hurt a fly if I gave you a fly-swatter!"  
"And you crack a diss if I gave you a Bachelor's Degree Dictionary!"  
"And both you nuts are completely distracting me from Sheldon." Clover said gently. Howard and Leo sat down immediately and Amy suggested they take a short break. As they did, Sheldon went to the kitchen, and then came back with a rubber glove on. He extended it to Clover, who was awe-struck.

"Miss, although you have no chance in beating me, you make cornhuskers everywhere proud." Clover tentatively reached out, and then shook his hand.

"Now if everyone will excuse me I need to go disinfect." Sheldon left to his room, and Clover sat down.

"So Clover, tell us about yourself. I mean, we learned a bit about you, your fearsome prowess, good background in movies and science...you're very different from Penny." Raj realized. Clover smiled and started, "Well Penny and I never really were alike after the age of five, when she first kissed a boy. After that, she and I kinda went our seperat ways."

"What college did you graduate from?" Leo inquired.

"Harvard actually. Got out six months ago."

"I heard Penny call you a drunk. Did you ever do drugs?"

"A couple times actually, although Penny was way worse. After our uncle died in the accident, when we were six, it was very hard on her, and I think she may have slept with so many men because she was hoping someone could give her the same comfort as uncle did."

"Did your Uncle die in a car crash?"

"No. He got shot by our Aunt."

"Really? What happened?"Howard questioned.

"I don't know. There's just this thing with married couples in our family, the wife always ends up shooting the husband." Clover shrugged, but Raj looked mortified. Clover went to the bathroom, and the group discussed.

"She doesn't seem too bad." Leo started, when Raj looked aghast.

"Seem too bad, she's amazing. I mean she schooled Sheldon Cooper."

"Yeah but they never truly finished." Amy argued. Raj looked at her.

"Look who's side are you on? Sheldon's or Clover?"

"Well it appears you're a bit biased Raj about who is who."

"Hard to seeing as one of them actually has had sex before, while the other will be killed by AI."

"I don't care." Amy stood by her words, and Howard challenged, "Do you still have feelings for Sheldon Amy?"

"Maybe."

"How do you feel about that Leo?" Raj quickly asked. Leo shrugged. "I've done countless women, many of who used me as stress-release. I don't care if Amy goes back to Sheldon personally, she is her own self."

"Yeah that's a bunch of crap." Raj assessed, and Leo scoffed. "In your drunken state you'd think anything."

"Damn straight. And as a free citizen of America, I can say my views."

"Then you better get it out, because when war comes, all views are sanctioned, and you can be arrested."

"I hope the next war is a war with the AI."

"Why?"

"Because I'll survive."

"No guarantee Howard." Amy proclaimed sadly. It was at that moment Clover came back. "Hey everyone, I just thought of the winning question that will beat Sheldon."

"Really?" Amy still thought Sheldon was undefeatable.

"Of course. If cyborgs are susceptible to EMPs, why aren't AI?"

The group started to argue, and then thought of it. Soon they all nodded, and Clover was declared the winner. Sheldon came back, and Clover proposed her question, in which Sheldon inclined his head and said, "Well played Clover."

"Hey everyone!" Leo announced. "Because of this historic achievement, I am taking us all out."

"Sweet. Where should we all go?" Clover asked, but her eyes drifted to Raj.

"There's the Chinese Resteraunt." Amy offered, and Leo snapped his fingers. "That's the ticket, we're going out for Chinese!"

"I hope you do mean Chinese food and not Chinese people." Clover said hesitantly. Everyone consoled her, and then left the apartment, Sheldon locking the door and saying, "We must take Leo's vehicle."

"Why?" Howard's voice echoed as they descended down the stairs.

"Leo's car is the only one I feel safe in."

Leo laughed and quoted, "Elliot, if there was ever a ship that would be yours to sail, it would be mine. But until the day I fall overboard getting a cup of water, you better clean the deck!"  
"What?" Amy shouted.

Later that night...  
"Mr. Hofstader is resting. I'll leave a message though." the black nurse said. Leo smiled and said, "Please tell him that he was right not to marry Penny."  
"Any specific reason to such?"  
"Oh yes, because he would've eventually wound up getting shot."

**Okay guys, that's it for the Sibling Differential. I'll mostly be focusing on my Gregor the Overlander and Vampire Academy stories. But the next Big Bang I plan is actually to be a crossover between How I Met Your Mother, and the BBT. I'm working out some stuff, and thanks so much for the views, and the reviews. It makes me although more happy to post my jokes and ideas of such an awesome series. May the sixth season be the best yet!- LongLoreLover**


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